Oh, Megyn Kelly. You're trying so hard. And you say such terrible things and then have a huge segment the next day about why what you said was bad. And while you frustrate me, I weirdly find myself wanting to give you a hug. You were too radical for Fox News and now too narrow-minded for the rest of the world. You're struggling to figure out your place in today's media. And I appreciate your struggle. I was there, once. I was narrow-minded, but not enough for the community around me. I was open-minded, but not open-minded enough for the world outside of that little community. It took years of struggling, debating, and educating myself with every possible thing I could find to read or listen to in order to figure out how to think for myself and what exactly I believed to be true. I believe you to be an intelligent, interesting, compassionate person who wants to do the best you can in your job. And you're fighting an uphill battle. Against the community you used to represent and the community you want to be a part of and also, most importantly, against yourself.
After your recent horrible comments about fat-shaming, I was shocked. But so sad for you. Because here you were, exposing your weaknesses to the world in an off-handed way with a chuckle. All I could think was how horrible your childhood must have been to warp your thoughts on weight so thoroughly. And then today, in a carefully written and passionately given monologue, you told the world that yes, your views on these things are painfully warped by horrible experiences growing up. And I understand. I used to say terrible things to mask how hurt I had been. Things like, "All you have to do is exercise," when in reality, I was terrified of my changing body and wounded by constant "moo" sounds in the hallway when I passed by. People who were gay were wrong and gross, until I actually met someone who was and became good friends with them. And they weren't gross and wrong. And slowly, my world views began to change.
For me, these changes happened my senior year of high school and continued through my college years. And I'm also still a work in progress. I like to think of myself as an open and loving person. But I know I'm not done and I continue to ask humbly for education from people who are closer to issues I am unsure about. And because I've been there, I try to be patient when confronted with people who are speaking from places of hurt or ignorance or internalized nastiness. Which is why I cannot just write you off.
It's terrifying to realize that your views and thoughts might be wrong. I keep using terrifying and terrible because it is. Because you realize how much you've missed and how many you might have accidentally hurt with your words.
I wish you the best, Megyn Kelly. Your journey is your own and I hope you keep doing the hard work of reflection and change.
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