I'M A PUBLISHED AUTHOR (and other news)

You guys! I am a published author! I'm an official contributor to The Mighty! And I'm currently on the front page as a Featured Story. I'm over the moon, dancing on air, etc. etc. Read the story here and give me a like and maybe a comment if you like it. I wouldn't hate it if you share the article with your friends, either.

My parents are coming for a visit this week and I'm very excited to share my home and my city with them. My husband and I have come up with a list of mini adventures to take them on. We'll try to take some pictures for you all, but we'll more likely be too busy enjoying the moment to capture it on camera.

I currently have a cold, muscle spasms, and viral pink eye in both eyes accompanied by a sore throat. I went to the ER last week for two IV bags of fluid, as my body wasn't processing the water I was putting in it and I was severely dehydrated. I ended up in the ER for the second time in two weeks with a left eye so swollen I couldn't see. We met with an amazing doctor and he gave me eye drops that already have reduced the swelling almost completely. I do enjoy medicine when it works well. My husband has told me that this is my body's way of making me take the rest that it needs. He has been urging me to take days off for weeks, and now I am forced to rest and sleep and not touch anything, as the infection is incredibly contagious and I have two dogs and a husband I could infect if I am not careful. I'm actually grateful for this, in a weird way. I cannot get the manic side of me to let me rest unless I have no choice. And now I have no choice. Take that, manic tendencies!

I wish you all could have the joy of watching baby Jeph discover the wonder of squeaky chew toys. He loves to cuddle with them. He loves to chew them. He loves to lick them. He loves to roll around on top of them on the ground. He loves to fight over them with Riley. As I type this, I am slowly going deaf from an extremely happy pup chewing on his orange plastic squeaky bone on the couch next to me.

Mr. Jeph is learning very quickly. And I'm learning how to work with him more effectively. He needs a very different type of training approach than Riley did. He is full of energy and eager to please. And, bonus points, he is very food motivated! He will do whatever it takes to get that training treat. But since he is a puppy, sometimes he thinks that whatever it takes to get that training treat means attacking the hand with the treat in it, barking at the hand with the treat, rolling around on the floor, and various other adorable antics. It is hard to not get frustrated with him at times. But, just like a human student, if an approach isn't working, the teacher should try a different approach. He has learned "Sit," "Wait," "No Voice (a variation of "Quiet"), "With Me (a variation of "Heel"), "Leave It," and is starting to understand "Lie Down." He also knows to wait quietly for me to take his leash off when we come home from a walk or the dog park. He knows to sit and wait for his food at mealtimes. He understands the humans do not like being chewed on. He is beginning to understand Bedtime, and even voluntarily goes to his kennel when he is tired. He has made great strides with his confidence around other dogs. He no longer pees on me when he sees another canine, but he does take refuge between my feet when overwhelmed. He has been to the mall, an auto parts store, and a grocery store. He is also beginning to get wheelchair trained, as my new ride Priscilla (my manual wheelchair) will be a permanent fixture in our house now. And the accidents have nearly disappeared! After such a long time, I think it is safe to say that our potty training problem might be nearly solved. Jeph does keep having small accidents when he is asleep, as his body completely relaxes and he leaks. But overall, we are making strides and we will get to our goals eventually.

For months, my husband has been talking to me about me finding a hobby I can do. My old hobbies are not available to me with my current health state. He has also drawn out of me my love for Barbies. I used to be an avid collector. I had hundreds of Barbies, Skippers, Stacies, Kellys, and all their houses, zoos, doctors offices, animals, farms, cars, basically anything I could get my hands on. I would spend hours staging the houses with little utensils and plates perfectly placed on the dining table, the rubber ducks sitting on the side of the Barbie tub, and the living room arranged for maximum entertaining potential. I also loved creating outfits out of scraps of fabric, paper, yarn, anything I could find. For Easter, my husband surprised me with four Barbies from the new Fashionistas line! This is the line with four body types! They are: the original Barbie proportions, a "curvy" doll, a "petite" doll, and a "tall" doll. I'm just so excited because these Barbies are really amazing and their proportions are true to life! And just like that, my new hobby became clear. I'm going back to my old hobby with a twist. I'm going to be creating doll clothes for these new real-life-proportions Barbies! I'm just absolutely in love with the idea of creating fashion for these little dolls with my own hands. And I'm marathoning Project Runway for inspiration. And who knows, if I get good enough, I could sell some. But the point of the hobby isn't to make money, it's to have fun. And I'm so ready to have fun!

I think that this is all the updates for tonight. I'm off to take a nap and take some more virus medication. Love to you all!

There Are Ten Of You Left, Which Means One Of You Must Go Home Tonight

I'm hardcore addicted to reality competition shows. Currently, I'm watching all the seasons of Top Chef, back seasons of Project Runway, and wishing that the original Skin Wars wasn't over. The format, the music, the fact that someone goes home every week, everything about them is gold. Fashion, dating, makeup, cooking, it doesn't matter what it is about. I will watch any competition show. Is there a show about contestants watching paint dry? I would watch it. I even suffered through a few seasons of the body-shaming Biggest Loser. Oh, and y'all remember "The Swan," that TV show that proves that everyone can be Hollywood-beautiful if they go through weeks of intensive plastic surgery? And "Bridalplasty," possibly the worst TV show ever created that my first real-world roommate and I binge-watched like there was no tomorrow. These brides wanted plastic surgery, but had to win wedding-related challenges to get a surgery off their list each week. You know it's a good show if between episodes you question what the heck you're doing with your life. I love to hate the "villains," knowing full well that the producers are manipulating the contestant and the footage of the contestant to create said "villain." But come on, Corrine from this season of The Bachelor? The 24-year-old napping nanny's girl with a need to be the center of attention and cravings for "cheese pasta" and cucumber water? Straight-up reality TV gold. "Can I steal you?" Yes, Corrine. Steal Nick! Make the other girls spew hate in their mini-interviews while I sit on my couch with a glass of wine and cackle! Who is here for the right reasons? Whose intentions are pure? Is Nick there for a wife, or for a good time? I love when a girl interrogates the Bachelor about kissing all the other girls on the show. I'm forever mad that I can't find old seasons of "Dating In The Dark" to indulge in. Or "Holidate." Anyone remember these shows? No? Yeah, I'm in deep. I've seen some things...er...shows.

And can we talk about the hosts' hushed tones when they send someone home? It's a full-on sympathy whisper. I wonder if Tyra Banks started that strange host-whisper, or if she is just the best example of it. And the way that she re-explains math to the models every show is forever my favorite thing. "There are ten of you here. Tomorrow, there will be nine. That means that one of you will go home tonight." Cue the camera cutting away to the shocked faces of the models as they realize that ten minus one is nine. And then there's Heidi Klum. Heidi might be my favorite reality TV host. She knows the market that she is in, and she doesn't take crap from anyone. And she has Tim Gunn at her side. Anyone with Tim Gunn at their side is immediately a winner. Tim Gunn is love. Tim Gunn is life. Make. It. Work.

And can we talk about literally any wedding design show ever? "Rich Bride, Poor Bride," "Say Yes To The Dress," "My Fair Wedding," if it has anything to do with people sealing their vows with kisses while plunging themselves tens of thousands of dollars in debt, I'm in. I'm so incredibly in.

I think it all started in High School with sneaking episodes of "Parental Control" on MTV whenever I could. The parents hate the boyfriend/girlfriend so they set their kid up on dates with people they choose and then the kid decides between those people and their original significant other. I was fascinated by these people. Who the heck signs up for shows like these? I don't know, but I'm so grateful that they exist. And then there was "Next." Y'all remember that show? There was a bus full of guys and they'd get off the bus one by one and try to date the girl. And when she got bored of a guy, she'd say, "NEXT!" and that guy would be done and the next guy would get off the bus. The longer they managed to date the girl, the more money they earned. I'd sit dumbfounded with my bowl of cereal, watching these absolutely trashy shows, invested in the guy earning money or hoping the girl would see through the money-grubbing guys and end up alone and happy.

Competition shows with kids! Masterchef Junior? Project Runway Junior? Child Genius? Yes. Anytime you can hear a seven-year-old say, "My wepewtashun (reputation) is on the line," it's a good show. Yes, tiny talented children. You've been waiting your whole lives for this. Make it work, small ones.

Now if you'll excuse me, I've got an old season of Project Runway to indulge in. What are your favorite reality shows? Tell me. Please. I need more.