Psych!

Yesterday, I went to a two hour psychiatry intake appointment. It was the most terrifying thing I have ever done. It is right up there with surgeries, teeth extractions, and staying in a room where there is a spider on the wall.
The building itself was probably the most run-down, creepy building I've seen. Think in your head of all the horror movies with psych hospitals, and then you have an idea of what I had to willingly walk in to. I almost couldn't get out of the taxi, as I was struck with such a paralyzing terror. I had been shaking all morning, and the moment I saw my destination, I couldn't breathe. Riley nudged me and made me get out of the car. She took me all the way to a building at the back of the creepy campus where the main entrance apparently was. She guarded me immediately upon entering, and did not stop guarding me for the next two and a half hours. If that doesn't tell you how awful the building was, I don't know what will. After getting registered at a run-down desk with people's pen marks all over it, I was led to a nurses' room to get my vitals checked. It was completely dark inside, as the nurses inside I guess don't believe in turning on the overhead lights. They took my vitals to the tune of someone's mixtape playing angrily in the background. I waited in a run-down, nasty waiting room. Then the grey clouds parted, so to speak, as I met the nurse who was going to be conducting my intense interview. She was a lovely person, and showed no signs of judgement no matter what I said. Her approach allowed me to open up and be incredibly honest with her the way I am honest with people I have known for years. After the interview, I had to wait in a nasty waiting room again for an appointment to get made, and guess who is returning to that awful building tomorrow for another two hour appointment where I will get a diagnosis and maybe some new medications? Me.
Last night, I broke down sobbing. I asked my husband what would happen if the diagnosis was something worse than what we thought. My loving husband held me and told me it wouldn't make a difference. He told me that we would just have a label for what is wrong and more possible treatments. He assured me he would stay with me no matter what and that we would get through the upcoming storms together, just as we have all the previous ones. I don't know what I would do without him as my rock. I never understood what people meant when they said things like "he is my rock" until I was married to him.
So listen up, hallucinations, voices, racing thoughts, flashbacks, panic, blank-out episodes, and everything else in my head. We're coming for you. Even if I have to go to every single creepy building in the world.